You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
