I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
