Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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