I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
