No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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