Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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