I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
