I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
