She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
