8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i will never coherently bang her
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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