i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
