either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize