I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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