Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
