i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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