I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
