I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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