you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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