She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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