If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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