I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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