Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
