Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
