just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
