yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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