3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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