her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
