Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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