just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
