You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
