Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
