This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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