I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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