My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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