You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
