Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
