Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
