I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
