Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
