You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
