I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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