return my video game
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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