yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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