my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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