STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just had sex on a roof
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
