Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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