Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
