yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
