i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
