we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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