There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So apparently I’m into choking now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
