I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
