So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
