dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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