Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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