bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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