If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
