I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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