I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
