Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
