I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
