a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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