the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
