Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
even my farts smell like vagina
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
