A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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