I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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