I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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