he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
