Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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