perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
