So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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