we have pet lesbian snakes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
